can't sleep

is alright. i dont like calculus very much.. but today one of my friends was doing english homework. :) at least i don’t have to do that crap. 

i keep running into people that i’ve met before.. it seems like everyone’s going to uta haha. but ya. i should get offline and be more productive. tata

so we have lab in calculus and i have no clue what i ‘m doing. 

everyone told me that precal didnt really help them in calculus. it’s like an entirely different subject. but our first lab is review over PRECAL. i mean seriously?

i didnt want to take math but its required for my major. i have to .i have no choice. and if i dont do it now i’m gonna have to do it later. and classes are just going to get harder and harder. i am not that horrible in math or anything. but it just makes my stomach hurt. i just hate it. 

but i have to overcome this fear. i have to have to have to. if i want to have a good career i cant mope over a stupid calculus class. God please be with me. i can’t do this without you.

so this girl texted me… Hey!! i’m so and so… and i was like hmm that sounds familiar. and i was like umm i’m so sorry i’ve met so many people where did i meet you again? and then she was like the library.. and i was like how did you get my number.. ” you gave it to me. ” ” haha ooohh yaa” 

LOL. its so funny… everytime i start at friendship something awkward happens. it’s sorta good in a way because then later on i can be like ” hey remember that time…. “ 

it’s all good. i mean i can’t prevent these awkward/ embarrasing moments.. i guess i just gotta appreciate them :)

wasn’t as good as the first. i’m am soo tired— the lack of sleep is catching up. anyway i bought all my books and it cost 500$. it sucks but now i know what to do in the coming semesters.

anyway i saw another “acquaintance” today. LOL with kelsey and astrid. WE HAVE FOUND THE HOT SPOT PEOPLE. REPEAT. WE HAVE FOUND THE HOT SPOT. LMAO. 

and then when i was going home. i got lost again.. ended up near cowboys stadium and i called my bro AGAIN. <embarrasing>

lol i’ve made a lot of new friends.. mostly indian haha.. wat a coincidence.

anyway i’m liking uta more than i expected i would. so we will see how this goes.

just saw me on oovoo.. .and instead of saying how are you reena? how’s was school? College life? she said.. reena why is your face chubbier? oh you got fat…

gotta love her

so school was very eventful… i went to class. had tiffany pham, anthony, sean. reesha in my chem class. Then calc was alright.

THEN i was talking to this one guy that i had met before.. it was allll good. we were having a great convo. so i was about to go.. and then he put his hand out for a hug. I GAVE HIM A DAMN HIGH FIVE… well it wasn’t a high five it was like more like a hand squeeze. it was weird and awkward. HAHAHHAHAH i am like laughing while i am typing this. I AM SUCH AN IDIOT. andrea and janie was giving me such a hard time about it.

LOL i need to go ask that wizard of oz for some courage.

kesley, astrid, and janie decided to go somewhere. then they decided to prank me somehow. they called and said that they had just met a certain someone. and i was like. WHAT? REALLY? and they were like ya. and tried to convince me. 

BUT i know these girls to well. i called each one of them again. two were still playing along with the prank.. the other one admitted they were lying. how sad.. maybe if you’re gonna pull a prank be a little more organized. and a little bit more funny

why am i up this late? wellll i am video chatting with marlen! haha its just like old times back in junior high… we laugh at apparently nothing… and then just keep laughing cause we see each other laughing. so what do we laugh about you ask?

i dont know. we started looking at each other’s fb profiles and then making fun of each other and then ya haha i’m glad i’m got a mac :)

friends: people you can laugh with or at and no will get offended. people you can be yourself around. people who are willing to listen to you over and over again ( maybe about the same guy or some situation). People that you just love :)

and its freakin awesome. I feel so awesome. haha. the keyboard is great. I just want to keep typing and typing. and i got to see astrid today on ichat :) it was a special moment we almost cried… haha okay no we didn’t.. but it was still exciting!

Oh the wonders technology can do… it amazes me of how people can think of this stuff. 

ANYWAY

astrid told me i should of bought my macbook from an apple store so i couldve possibly got a discount. BUT then i couldn’t have met MYSLEF. o my golly. hahahah. well idk if he is myslef. but he sold me the mac, he goes to uta, he’s indian, he speaks malayalam—- LOL my brother and him became the best of friends…  he did mention to stop by anytime or to call him LMAO but thats prolly so he can get more commission

hahah i am just happy that i have this awesome new computer :)

kelseyftw:

it’s LAPTOP. hahah. for your LAP. not so you can run experiments in a LAB

 you obviously understood what i was trying to say.. SO IT DOESN’T MATTER!

so i don’t really ask for much but i told my dad that i needed a new labtop for college.

lol i dont NEED one… but the one i have no doesn’t even have a webcam so that tells you how old it is.

Anyway my dad was cool with it. He didnt really question me and he told my brother to take me tomorrow. and he said to make sure that we buy the most recent one!

i guess he realizes i wouldn’t ask him if it wasnt important. anyway i appreciate that i didnt get hell about it. he told me that education is important and he is willing to do anything to help me get ahead. :) YAY I AM GETTING A NEW LABTOP!!!

i am in love with this song… yes even though its old. get over it.

College starts next week. My wonderful dad is mad at me cause i’m not studying. STUDYING WHAT? apparently i’m going to be a failure… even though i graduated number fucking 8 of my class. It’s frustrating that they have no confidence in me. I mean they did this all through high school.. saying that i’m going to get no where with my study habits.maybe its there way to push me to do better. BUT STILLL. even for my graduation my dad didnt even congratulate me. I mean i’d like a little recognition for busting my ass off.

and for my effing graduation “party” my dad just invited people he didnt tell them it was for my graduation… so everybody was like you graduated??? WTF!? and my dad was like well i didnt want them to feel as though they needed to bring a “gift”. LIKE SERIOUSLY FATHER? SERIOUSLY? i cant be recognized for one fucking daY? i mean you never through me a birthday party or something…. its not like i’m getting presents everyday… i mean its not about getting stuff. its just— can’t i have a day where its my special day? i mean i sound selfish. i know i am sooo incredibly blessed but i’m only human…

i mean i dont complain that much but i mean i keep it inside and then it comes out. and UGHHHH

I’m doing everything THEY want. i mean i don’t know what i want in the first place so i can’t really say anything.

The ultimate goal for them is for me to get married to a indian guy that has a good job. GREAT. and i can only do that if I have a good job as well.

It’s not fair that i have to be thinking so far ahead into the future. Marriage. career. bullshit. that’s my worst fear… having to marry someone i don’t love.

I cannot fail college. i do not have a choice.

It’s so scary. By a certain age i have to marry someone or its bad. And if i dont find anybody they will. Everything ties in together. Its like a domino effect. 

My parents will never be satisfied.. i just have to ignore that. I’m leaving it to God. Someway somehow he will make everything work out. I’m going to fall over and over again but I know he’ll put people in my life to pick me up. and maybe mr. perfect is at uta… maybe thats why i’m going there. let’s hope that there is a bright side to all of this.

everything will work out. it always does.

i keep looking for them everywhere.

I am crazy. I know. But do i care? NO. I’m weird. and i will keep looking for signs and i will allow them to keep making me smile (if they’re good). so there.

If you want to know about some of my signs… you can read it in my book. that i am working on. that i will publish. in the future.